The Hollywood Way

The Hollywood Way

          Once upon a time Carry Underwood who was like totally not famous who living on the edge of outer suburbia who lived with her dad, an old fart who spent all his time reading yarn magazines , and her mom who spent all her time making things out of the yarn that her dad orders from the yarn magazines.  So one day she wanted to visit her boyfriend’s house on the other side of the forest so she walks out the door and into the forest.  After she’s walking for a while she comes across wolf walking right in front of her.  Magically, the wolf turns into Michael Jackson, and says, “Thriller, Thriller night! How about a date tonight, it will be thrilling”

“Get AWAAY” Says Carry and she keeps walking.  After she’s walking for a while, she runs into IYAZ and he goes,” Sholies like a melody in my head that I keep out got me singin’ like na na na na everyday, like my Ipod’s stuck on replay replay replay replay.” Then Michael Jackson comes back in and says,” Don’t go out with him go out with me, I’ve got moves. (spins around)  Ow my knee, sprained my knee.”

“ Ehhh” The she says and keeps walking.

So she starts walking again and runs into who else but Ozzie Ozbourne. “muh muh muh muh” he says.

“What” says Carry.

  “muh muh muh”

“I have no idea what you’re saying” says the blonde and she keeps walking down the path.

            She finally gets to her boyfriend’s and walks in.  She finds that a wolf has eaten her boyfriend and that the wolf was Michael Jackson.  Then, IYAZ and Ozzy Ozbourne walk in the back door.

            In the end she chooses Ozzy because he can’t criticize her and she gets to do all the talking.

            So they’re walking away from the blonde’s old boyfriend’s house and then. Wapoww!  Jack Black comes in and punches Ozzy away and says,” Never fear muchachalata, I will save you from a bad date!”  “I’ll take you to Hollywood where boys will be throwing themselves at you”

            So Jack takes her to Hollywood and finds out that she can sing somewhat well so he gives her a recording contract and she puts out an album and overnight she’s the world’s most popular pop artist.

            So after a year in the music business she still didn’t have a boyfriend so she went to the set of Nacho Libre to see the one the only Jack Black.  “Jack, it’s been a year and I’ve only had 32 dates” she says.

“Come on Carrie” Jack says. “You’ve had 3 albums out and you have more money than I do, I’m almost sorry I found you in the woods a year ago with that idiot Ozzie Ozzbourne.”

“I spent a quality 30 seconds with Ozzie” she says.

“Yeah sure, the only reason that you don’t have a boyfriend is because no one has seen you before.”

“But I’ve had 34 music videos” says Carrie.

“Please, everyone knows that was KE$HA with a mask on (which made her look way better when I’m not staring at that black hole she calls a face)”

“You know what” says Carry

“What wow me Jack” says through a mouthful of pickle and honey sandwich.

“I’m through with you I’ll go find another record company and make an album, It shouldn’t be that hard after all I am Carry Underwood.”

She storms out of the set in the middle of Hollywood leaving Jack Black fuming at her and himself for being too stupid to make her sign a contract.

“I’ll show him I’ll be even greater without him” says Carry and she storms down the street.

6 months later………………

            We zoom in on the slums of Hollywood which is mostly better that even slightly successful live except for if you don’t have a house which is which is what the girl sitting on the street with her hands cupped saying, “Give me your money, give me your money people, don’t you recognize me I’m Carry Underwood”

“Shut Up” yelled Justin Bieber coming out the back door get out of here so I can be beautiful alone. So after being kicked out of the place she was sitting by the ugliest person out there Justin Bieber she went to another street and sat down on the curb and started crying.  Then IYAZ comes down the street to meet Sean Kingston to record a new single singing,” I don’t want to walk S-O-L-O” and then stops when he sees her and says,” Hey it’s Carry I haven’t seen you since you left me in the woods with that loser Michael Jackson that almost ate me. And by the way Ozzie had a heart attack and died.” So IYAZ walks away leaving Carry Underwood crying and then Michael Jackson comes in whistling Thriller.  He sees Carry and has a heart attack and dies right there.  “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” says Carry and begins crying again (girls are so emotional)

            So Carry Underwood sadly goes back to live with her parents in the woods and thay all live sadly ever after.